Shane’s First Heartache

“Things do not change, we change.”
-Henry David Thoreau-

Momma got out of the hospital after a couple weeks, but things were far from back to normal. She had to see a doctor all the time, but I didn’t see why. She got shot in the leg and it didn’t even break any bones. Momma couldn’t stand to live in Killeen anymore so we picked up and moved. We left the trailer park, Ms. Diebold, and the only home I’d ever known and headed south. It was the first time I felt sad about leaving somewhere. In general, most of the time when folks leave something they like, they aren’t so much sad about what they’re leaving behind as they are scared of what lay ahead. That was probably true in my case. Now that I think about it, I imagine Momma was scared quite a bit back then.

We moved to a small town called Winnie, right smack between Houston and Beaumont. Momma knew a guy who lived down that way and he got her a job working at some restaurant. I went to East Chambers Elementary School just up the road from our house. I would get done with class at 3pm and run over to the fair grounds to play around the stage they had set up for the annual Rice Festival. I used to climb up on the same stage where names like John Conlee, Merle Haggard, and Jerry Jeff Walker once cut their teeth. I would close my eyes and pretend there was a crowd of folks all there to see me. I liked Winnie.

I turned 10 right around the time I started the 4th grade, and for the first time, I noticed a girl. Her name was Amy. I didn’t know much about girls at the time, but I knew that every time I saw her, something turned over inside me, and it got pretty hard to think about much else. The Fall Social was coming up and I just had to get Amy to be my date. Now keep in mind that going as a couple to the Fall Social was a HUGE deal even thought it basically meant we would ride there together, walk through the door at the same time, go opposite directions to find our friends, meet up at the end of the night, and ride home together. Nevertheless, she just had to go with me. I needed a plan.

I walked down to where momma was working, as I always did Monday nights, and told her my problem. Momma hadn’t ever really been swept off her feet so she wasn’t much help, but her friend, Sean Harris, gave me some pointers. He said the way to get a woman’s attention was to smell good, brush your teeth, and tell her she looks pretty. He glanced at Momma when he said this and she half way smiled back at him.

That night, I took two showers and brushed my teeth for 13 straight minutes. I know because I timed it. I could barely sleep that night and when the morning finally came, I took another shower just to be safe. My mouth throbbing from the overzealous brush job I’d put em, I walked out to the bust stop, more nervous than I could ever remember being. When we finally got to school, it was already 7:57AM and there wasn’t enough time to have a simple conversation, much less ask the most important question I had ever asked a girl. I would just have to wait until lunch.

What followed might have been the longest three and a half hours of my life.

I tried my hardest not to stare, but every time I would glance over at Amy, she would look up as if she could feel my eyes on her. Finally, it was lunchtime. I had no appetite whatsoever. All I could think about was Amy. I looked all around the cafeteria trying to find her with no success. When I eventually did spot her, she was already sitting down amongst what seemed like 200 of her friends. No way in hell I was going into that lion’s den. So I had to wait again. The minutes seemed like hours as I anxiously anticipated the bell sending us back to class and my chance at Amy Lott. After twenty-five pain staking minutes, it was show time. I eased my way through the crowd over to the door Amy would be walking through in a matter of moments. My mouth suddenly went dry and I noticed my left hand had started to tremble a little bit.
“Hey Amy!”
I had said it a little louder than I had wanted to. A couple of her friends had caught up and were now practically in the conversation.
“Hey, Shane. How’s it goin?”
“Oh fine I guess… You look real nice today…”
I felt like a total idiot. Why couldn’t I just spill it?
“Say, Amy… Did you know the Fall Social is coming up this Friday?”
Of course she knew, dummy. Everyone knew.
“Um… yeah, Shane… I did…”
“Well.. uh… who are you going with?”
At this point, I realized my brain had neglected to send my legs a message tellin em to walk next to Amy as I made an ass out of myself with my mouth. This, in turn, had created a small crowd in front of the door we were blocking with our excruciatingly awkward conversation.
“Well yeah, Shane… I’m goin with Mitch Ness… he asked me this morning”
“Oh really? Thats pretty cool. I like Mitch. Well I’ll talk to you later.”

I hated Mitch.

I ended up going home around 1PM after I convinced the nurse I was sick. I actually was sick, but it wasn’t something you can cure with medicine. Hell, now that I think about it, I still haven’t found a cure for it. Amy was my first heart ache.